Dina’s Struggle with Anxiety
A client of mine Dina, was puzzled and felt trapped. She functioned well, ‘’at least most of the time”, she said, “but why can’t I stop worrying and why is controlling my anxiety so difficult?”
Dina described it as a sick feeling in her stomach and nothing she has tried really worked.
1. Dina tries to push her worrying thoughts away
Dina said that she pushes the thoughts away or tries to suppress them or distract herself. It works for a short while, but the worry is like a boomerang and comes back again even stronger than before.
2. Dina worries as a means of protection
Dina thought that if she worries about things enough, she or her family or friends will be protected from disasters ever happening. When her mother flew overseas, Dina worried incessantly. “What if the plane crashes? What if her mother gets mugged. What if she gets lost or loses her money?” Well, her mother returned safely. “It felt as if the worry actually helps”, Dina said and perversely she felt she should worry some more. In some strange way, Dina now felt that she had protected her mother.
3. Something small happens and Dina blows it out of all proportion
Dina’s best friend Fiona walked right past her on the street. Dina worried that maybe it was something she said or something she did. Dina now imagined that Fiona was going to tell Dina’s other friends what Dina had done (she must have done something?) and she would have no friends. It just so happens that Fiona had had a promotion at work and was lost in thought and hadn’t seen Dina at all. She excitedly phoned Dina the next day to tell her all about it.
4. Drinking alcohol, self medicating in order to feel better
A glass of wine or two or three helped Dina to get through a social situation she’d been worrying about attending, and it helped her when she had to give a speech at her friend’s wedding and the time… Now Dina is drinking way more than she should and is finding it difficult to stop.
5. Always anticipating the worst
By anticipating the worst, Dina said she sometimes sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy and makes the things she dreads actually happen. For example, Dina was trying her best to do well at work. She spent additional time, even her own time out of work hours perfecting a presentation that would have been good enough 20 hours ago. She then neglected her other work and was rebuked by her boss for the work she hadn’t completed. Her employer said the presentation was fine, but Dina had spent far too much time on it and she would rather Dina has completed her other tasks.
6. Trying to control the uncontrollable
Dina tries to ensure that she is super organised and plans everything down to the smallest detail. If her friends want to go out spontaneously, this makes Dina anxious as it wasn’t what she had intended. She completely underestimates her own abilities to cope when things don’t go according to plan. When it is necessary to do something different, Dina can adjust her plans and actually manages very well.
7. Not doing relaxation exercises and meditation because of the fear of the feelings of relaxation
That’s a chicken and egg situation. Dina is so used to feeling anxious and stressed that when the anxiety reduces through her doing a relaxation exercise, being relaxed feels strange and unfamiliar and she works hard to… yes, hold onto the stress even more.
8. Not letting go of anxiety because of some secondary benefit
When Dina is anxious, everyone is very reassuring and tries to mollify her or tell her that everything is ok. But, people get tired of always trying to make her feel better. Dina realises that she needs to be able to reassure herself. Relying on others doesn’t work and she needs to talk herself down and soothe herself.
9. Worrying about being worried
Dina knows that she worries more than most other people, and tries very hard to stop. But when she is unable to stop worrying, Dina worries about that as well.
10. Dina was very worried about elevators
She was worried that the lift would plunge to the ground or get stuck and it would be hot and stuffy and she wouldn’t be able to breathe and she would be stuck for hours. To alleviate this fear, Dina avoids lifts most of the time. If the destination is more than 10 floors, she forces herself to take the lift. Dina ignores the fact that lifts are one of the safest forms of transport available. “Well, it keeps me fit anyway”, Dina jokes. It also means that she is often late to meetings and arrives hot and sweaty after climbing up to 10 flights of stairs. Avoiding lifts like this reduces her short term anxiety, but in the end, Dina is now more anxious about lifts than ever.
If Dina’s story resonates with you (this is not a true story and Dina’s strategies to control her anxiety are common to many anxiety sufferers), consider getting professional help for your anxiety. There are research based strategies that work well with most anxiety sufferers and while no one is cured of anxiety, proven therapeutic strategies have the best chance of helping you to learn to manage your anxiety. If you would like to contact me, either ring 0411098583 or email, elaine.lopis@gmail.com.
